My pookie, I can’t believe it has been so long and I forgot so much like I forgot all about the times we used to go to the park when I lived at my parents. I wish I had my life 100% together when I got divorced. I hardly even remember times like this one as I was so depressed and I struggled badly. I lost myself badly and I have done what I can to be a good dad, but I always wish I could go back in time and change things. I barely forced myself to live through all of it. But I am here and I am hoping some day I can be happy again, even now I am not happy in life, but I am way better off than I once was. I do push every day to find my happiness again and I am not depressed 95% of the time anymore. In the past a day didn’t go by without a panic or anxiety attack. I am a lot better off than I was, but I still hardly feel like I am living except occasionally. I feel like I am working towards goals to feel alive again, but I feel like I am in purgatory until I can find my way again. Just wish I would have found it a long time ago or never lost it.

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